Wave Your Freak Flag

Wave Your Freak Flag High

by Christine D. Beatty

If you think of yourself as “normal” you can go ahead and read this, but it may not speak to you. If you are proudly, gratefully Different, you already know this stuff. Rejoice! However, if you struggle with self-acceptance, then this was written just for you.

For years I seesawed through existential crises, caught between embracing my deviance and a pathetic desire to retreat into “Normal.” Whenever I allowed self-doubt to rule, I wallowed in my depression like a pig in shit. I sometimes actually took sick pleasure in feeling bad, as if I deserved to suffer like some fucked up religious penance.

I wasted so much valuable time on self-pitying bullshit, like dreaming up spectacular ways to kill myself. One of my girlfriends back then, a blonde bombshell of a pro dominatrix, faced her own demons. Sometimes when our dark moods were in sync, I’d suggest she and I hit the road on a Thelma & Louise style rampage, youtubing our crimes until we found ourselves facing a hundred SWAT rifles on the edge of the Grand Canyon, with all the news cameras in place. And then…

Such are the excesses of indulging in being Less Than.
Don’t do it, children.

What held true when I was a child still holds true today in the age of social media: anyone who stands out is a target. Thirty-five years ago, the Tenderloin district of San Francisco taught me a simple lesson, that misery loves company. So many “normal” people are so unhappy, and they would rather put a spotlight on someone else’s life than doing the hard work of fixing theirs. In the 1980s I formed a hard shell and shot heroin to protect myself from cruelty. I’ve since learned that accepting and loving myself is the strongest armor of all..

If you’re not “normal” it’s vital that you learn how to do this.

What helped me start was realizing that, throughout my life, the people I most admire are the rebels, the upstarts, the misfits, and the ones who refuse to be a slave to public opinion or “traditional values.” I’m talking about the freaks who refuse to apologize for being themselves.

“Freaks” is a word we should reclaim with pride.

Whatever you do, never give into the ultimate surrender. Refuse to give Normal People™ the satisfaction of your death—that final little burst of “superiority” they’d feel for a moment. Because before long they will find another freak onto whom they might turn their focus and distract from the empty, shrieking nothingness that is their own lives. Your life isn’t worth the cheap, phony fix they’d get.

Be a free spirit following your heart, not a slave following the crowd. Soar like Jonathan Livingston Seagull instead of fighting over fish guts with the other birds. Take heart in the courage of your convictions instead of playing it “safe,” because you’re going to die anyway no matter how safe you play it. Instead of joining the “normal” assholes who catcall  from the bleachers, instead run down to the field and have some fun.

Let your Freak Flag wave high!