“Guilt is like a bag of fuckin’ bricks. All ya gotta do is set it down.”
– The Devil’s Advocate
Be there no mistake about it, guilt destroys people’s lives. Since we live in a society so influenced by fear-based religion—and led by hypocritical politicians who pander to it—it’s no wonder we’re drowning in it. And so needlessly. How terrible for a person to be caught between harmful guilt and their legitimate, harmless desires.
Needless to say, guilt has its place in the instance of rape, murder, child abuse, non-consensual violence or other act where another human being is harmed. People who do these things and don’t feel guilt are sociopaths, and if they continue to harm others… well, that’s for the Law. But that is not the guilt about which I write.
There is much—most of it sexual or gender-related—that religion has trained society to feel guilty about, establishing artificial boundaries between “normal” and “perverse.” Quite often they lump these in with far broader definitions of “Good” and “Evil.” In doing so, they classify any sex they deem perverse along with murder, making it only a matter of degree how bad one or the other is.
It’s human nature to want to feel “normal”—to fit in with the majority of other people. The danger is that the desire to conform to the majority ignores that human beings are not all the same, nor should we be. We have different feelings, needs, wants and values. In that respect, “normal” is a harmful lie with no basis in reality.
The Chronicles of Narnia author C.S. Lewis wrote, “Don’t you think the things people are most ashamed of are things they can’t help?” How sad that people repress their instincts and desires because they’re afraid they’ll be judged by people who have no right to judge. The guilt from those judgments can grow into shame of who you are—a terrible burden to live with.
As a thirty-five year member of the trans community I’ve seen firsthand, and lived it for myself, the tragic cost of undeserved shame. Substance abuse, harming yourself and those around you, suicide attempts—much of it stemming from the guilt we feel because we transgress gender rules. And the price we and that our loved ones pay goes on and on. Gay and bisexual people often live with the very same demons, as do those whose unique carnal desires fall outside the boundaries of “normal.”
LGBT people who wait until later life to live their truth, may do so because they fear how people will react. The tragedy is that the energy put into denial—getting married, having children, etc.—eventually fails and now there is family likely to be hurt in the bargain. So in the end, living one’s life based on the approval of others is destined to fail in one way or another.
Despite its many failings, the Internet has connected people together and opened their eyes to things they’ve never before considered—to see things in a new light. Thanks to this, it’s less stigmatizing to be LGBT than it was before the Information Superhighway ran through the world. “Deviant” lifestyles like BDSM may take longer to gain acceptance, but I have hope that one day there will be far less stigma.
The pain of lugging around all of that unnecessary guilt—for simply being yourself—is one load you can unburden yourself of at any time. All you have to do is set down that bag of fucking bricks and be honest with yourself about who you are and what you need.
The truth of the matter is: if you’re not hurting anyone else then you have nothing to feel guilty about.
So there.
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