{"id":321,"date":"2023-02-23T01:07:44","date_gmt":"2023-02-23T09:07:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.makemydayusa.glamazon.net\/?p=321"},"modified":"2023-03-31T19:29:07","modified_gmt":"2023-04-01T03:29:07","slug":"ask-trixie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/glamazon.net\/journal\/ask-trixie\/","title":{"rendered":"Ask Trixie"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n

In 2000 Christine wrote an “advice” column as an entertainment feature for Los Angeles\/San Francisco underground ‘zine\u00a01000 Punks! Magazine<\/em>\u00a0for a handful of issues. Targeted at rock musicians and their fans, “Mistress Trixie’s” mixture of humor and brutal candor was inspired by her friend syndicated columnist Cintra Wilson’s\u00a0San Francisco Examiner<\/em>\u00a0weekly feature, “Cintra Wilson Feels Your Pain.”<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
<\/td>\r\nIn her infinite wisdom, the editrix of this rag has
asked me to answer questions from all you poor
lovelorn pukes out there, and try to help you come
to grips with whatever your little neurosis is.
Tinseltown Trixie wants you to understand she
is not Punk or Pop, although she can be very trashy
at times. So pick up your pens or boot up and send
your snivelings to me, care of 1000 Punks! ‘zine.<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<\/tbody>\r\n<\/table>\r\n<\/figure>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Dear Trixie,
I am drummer in a rock band, and I have a real tough situation that only you can help me with. In November of last year we replaced our singer with this new girl from Van Nuys. She is really beautiful. Even better, she\u2019s also very sweet and doesn\u2019t have an attitude. Not three weeks after joining the band, she started dating the guitar player but they broke up a couple of weeks ago. It obviously wasn\u2019t a nasty split-up with serious bad feelings, because she didn\u2019t quit the group or anything.

<\/strong>The thing is, she started coming on to me last week, and I have to tell you, I am sorely tempted to take her up on it. I mean, this girl could be a fashion model or something. But I\u2019m afraid if I start going with her it will make our guitarist jealous. He\u2019s been my buddy for three years, and I don\u2019t want to chance wrecking our friendship. And what if this girl turns out to be some kind of tramp? Help me, Trixie!

– Burbank Billy


Dear Billy,
Ms. Trixie has to set you straight on something before she shoulders the unenviable task of dealing with your dilemma. Why is it that when a guy plays hide the salami with anything in a dress, he\u2019s a stud, but when a woman is sexually active, she\u2019s a tramp? Answer me that to my satisfaction, and I\u2019ll let you lick my boots for free. But I digress.

Let me tell you something: relationships and work mix well only rarely. It doesn\u2019t matter if the job is a band or whatever. Unless you\u2019ve got something really strong going on with that special somebody, the time will come when you\u2019ll want to shove them headfirst into a foodprocessor. The fight could be at a rehearsal (if you\u2019re lucky) or at a gig in front of an indeterminate number of strangers. (Of course, you might be able to sell it as part of the act, but it still won\u2019t be fun to live through.)

Then there\u2019s your buddy. Friends, good friends, are harder to come by than parking places in West Hollywood on Saturday night. If you want to stay buddies, steer clear of this woman like she\u2019s Chernobyl. You don\u2019t need it and your band certainly doesn\u2019t. My advice would be to quietly tell her that you\u2019re as flattered as if you\u2019d been nominated for a Grammy, but No Thanks.

But … I might be completely wrong and she could be your total soulmate sent to you from heaven above. You\u2019ll have to be the judge of that, and you won\u2019t find that out overnight. Is she worth the risk of maybe losing the band and\/or your friend? Only you can answer that. If you\u2019re really interested, talk with her and tell her what\u2019s on your mind. That would be a good start.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

===========================================================<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Dear Trixie,
I am a washed-up-never-was-has-been rocker who has recently relocated to the Hollywood area to take his last shot at superstardom. After 14 years of touring and recording, I’m now pushing my mid–30’s, I’ve lost all my hair and am much thicker around the midsection. I have always made enemies to get attention and up until now, it has worked somewhat. Problem is, most people around Hollywood just don’t give enough of a hoot to even acknowledge my antics, let alone get angry about them. It seems as if they’ve seen it all before.

<\/strong>I was a medium–sized fish in a small pond up north and now I’m trying to get a rise out of people here. I’ve even donned a chicken suit on occasion, but nothing seems to be working. Should I resort to making friends instead of enemies? I’ve never tried it before, and I’m reluctant to dive into untested waters. TRIXIE, I NEED YOUR HELP!

Signed, Last Chance Losin’


Dear Chance,
Making friends is definitely preferable to making enemies, especially in a business where the odds of success are only slightly better than a snowcone\u2019s longevity in Hell. Any unsigned artist \u2014 especially a bald rocker wannabe of considerable girth \u2014 cannot afford to alienate potential allies. To be certain, you can afford to piss off people only\u00a0after<\/em>\u00a0they are crowding around to kiss your ass. Until then, unless you\u2019d like to permanently gig for the venue staff (because everybody splits when you hit the stage) you\u2019d best brush up on your social skills.

With regard to the Hollywood habitants, you may well be right they\u2019ve seen it all, but you\u2019re badly mistaken if you think they don\u2019t notice your monkeyshines. What is Hollywood famous for? Duh… acting, my dear Chance, acting. This is a town where people learn to keep their cool and gloss over disgruntlements. I\u2019ve seen women who smile so much you\u2019d think their head was in danger of detaching at the jawline, but their eyes tell a different story, oh yes.

And some folks love to nurse resentments, storing them up like precious treasure, ready to reach into their mental filing cabinet whenever the opportunity arises to fuck over somebody who, in their minds, richly deserves it. And while a few people are perceptive enough to realize that such energetic attempts to garner attention are a sign of insecurity, most will just be pissed off. Sure, they\u2019ll remember you, probably in much the same way they\u2019d recall a bad case of herpes.

With regard to your chicken suit, I find it incredibly fascinating. I am assuming that onstage is the only place you garb yourself\u00a0en poulet<\/em>, but if you wear your feathered finery elsewhere (like in the bedroom), Miss Trixie would be endlessly amused to hear about that. Nothing grabs my readers (or me) better than a new kink.

To answer your plea for help, I would strongly suggest dipping your toe into the wading pool of cordial comportment. You never know when the next friend you make just happens to be bosom buddies with a highwire A&R dude or a player in a supporting act for a big-draw band that needs an opener for their next national tour. And maybe not. At least you won\u2019t have to worry about some musician you pissed off detuning your axe while your back is turned right before you hit the stage. Life is about risk, and you may find this risk well worth it.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Christine’s “advice” column for the underground ‘zine\u00a01000 Punks! Magazine, inspired by her syndicated columnist friend’s\u00a0weekly feature, “Cintra Wilson Feels Your Pain.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[24],"tags":[28,27],"class_list":["post-321","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-journalism-archive","tag-comedic-writing","tag-journalism"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/glamazon.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/321","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/glamazon.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/glamazon.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glamazon.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glamazon.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=321"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/glamazon.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/321\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":451,"href":"https:\/\/glamazon.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/321\/revisions\/451"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/glamazon.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=321"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glamazon.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=321"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/glamazon.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=321"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}