Junkie (Late 1986 to Late 1988)
My new life as a guy started off with high hopes. Nola had stuck by me despite my
chemically psychotic rampage, we'd moved in together on a slightly better block
— the hookers way outnumbered the crack and heroin dealers on the block — and I snagged a loan
to attend a tech school that would place me in my first computer programming job.
Everything seemed to be heading in the right direction and then things started
going terribly wrong, one after the other.
When I left "Crystal" behind and became Chris the Guy, I had killed off the best
part of me. I was a coward for quitting. I'd never known self-hatred like that before.
Had it not been for Nola's feelings I just might have actually
killed myself, but instead I chose Suicide on the Installment Plan — a little bit
every day — although the San Francisco Police Department nearly did it for me all
at once at about 2:00 AM, December 9th. I began 1987 wearing County Orange and
then things fast went downhill from there.
This is where I become purposefully vague and let these photos suggest how bad things
got over those two years, from the time I gave up being a woman until I finally reached
bottom. I can't give too much story away or I might as well just
put the entire damn book online, and what would be the point of that
for an aspiring author like me, my literary manager or potential publishers?